R is for Resonance and Dissonance

is for Resonance & Dissonance

By: River Soulshine, Miku M. Lenentine, R. Eric Desselle &  J. D. I. Archaelia L.

Time again now for another edition of The ABC's of Compassionate Dialogue!

In our last update we explored the concept of rage. Today we continue our research and development with ~R~ & ~D~ !

This brings us to the sweetly important ideas of resonance and dissonance. These musical sounding ideas are a deeply integral part of working within the WE-Space.

Often when communicating our internal processes to the external world, it can feel quite complex to consolidate it all down into words. In our toolbox, there is a very special social tool & concept that we know as Resonance/Dissonance. This tool is a good way of sharing multiple feelings, even potentially contradictory ones, with one another. Resonance and Dissonance can be expressed verbally, as well as through hand signals.

Let's go a little more into what these words can mean!

Resonance is when your body (and, eventually your whole being) is feeling in alignment. It is what your intuition knows to be true for you, and in the same vein, that which feels "good". Resonance is when our bodies are saying "yes", and (most of the time) our minds agree!

Strong resonance may even feel like you can fly! On the extreme side, this is the feeling of "shining eyes," the sensation of being in alignment with our gifts, dharma and life purpose.

Resonance feels Expansive, Light, Open, Inspiring

Dissonance, conversely, is when your body (and, sometimes your whole being) feels out of alignment. It is what your intuition knows to be not true for you, and in the same vein, that which does not feel good. Dissonance is when our bodies are saying "no," and (most of the time) our minds  agree.

Strong dissonance can often feel heavy, associated with tightening sensations and general discomfort (though not always).

Dissonance feels Constricted, Closed, Not-Quite-Right

Most often, we will feel Resonance and Dissonance at the same time, and they are also not always mathematically equivalent for many people. For instance, on a scale of 1 to 10, a 10 Res may not feel higher than 10 Diss -- the scale is helpful, but it is still an intrinsic and subjective value for each person.

Let’s apply Resonance and Dissonance to an example! Suppose someone is moving out of an intentional co-housing situation, and that you're living there with them. If this person needs to move out by the end of the month, you might feel happy for them (Resonance) because their decision is supporting their path. You might also feel sad (Dissonance) because you will miss their joyful presence and you won't know how to fill the room. Allowing for the experience of both Resonance and Dissonance is important. Humans are complex creatures. We can feel both happy and sad. We can strongly resonate with something, and have strong dissonance too!

In some cases, we are not able to feel Resonance and Dissonance. When one cannot feel Resonance or Dissonance (say zero Resonance and zero Dissonance) this is often an indicator that this person is flooded or overwhelmed, and they do not currently have access to their feeling-self. In these situations, it's a great idea to post-pone important decisions until more time can be made for the person to integrate their experience and arrive at a feeling or sensation about what they most want to do.

Resonance/Dissonance is very helpful for coming into dialogue with ourselves and each other and supporting clear communication around boundaries and wishes. They are especially helpful for decision making from the We-Space.

For quick decisions, you can take a "thumbs" poll to determine the general level of Resonance or Dissonance. But for more complex decisions, full Resonance/Dissonance Rounds are critical. Res/Diss Rounds are an important process for egalitarian decision-making from the We-Space.

That's all for today, cutest kitten-pups! Stay tuned for our next article on Egalitarian Decision Making From the We-Space (Coming Soon) for more details on how this works!

Until next time, this has been another lovingly-curated edition of The ABC's of Compassionate Dialogue!
-Team 道 Vibrantly