The Spectrum of Centeredness for Thriving Relationships

Thriving relationships begin with the relationship we have with ourselves! How well do you know your own mind, and how well are you able to observe yourself in conversation and in relationship with others?

One place to begin is by observing the spectrum of centeredness in yourself when you interact with another being. This spectrum arises in the right hemisphere of our brain, starting with the right ear and moving back toward the occipital region of our brain, as our centeredness deepens.

                       

As we move along the centeredess spectrum in this way, we are able to speak in conversation from the parts of us that are most expansive and connected. 

This allows us to explore more fully the easy topics in conversation and also to begin observing the more difficult topics from a space of integrated perspective. In this way, we can learn to express our uniqueness, which in turn is our unique gift to give the world.

 Calm - To become calm, Dan Siegel has pointed out that it may be as simple as taking a single longer breath. This act of taking a longer breath creates a bridge from the prefrontal cortex of the human brain to the limbic system of our mammalian brain. As this bridge connects, the parasympathetic nervous system is engaged and our endocrine system can begin metabolizing those stress hormones, called cortisol, that were helping us disassociate from stress. This feeling of calm begins the journey along the relaxation spectrum of centeredness emotions. 

Exploring - Once you’re feeling sufficiently calm, if the environment is a supportive environment, you’ll find yourself moving to a feeling of exploration. This is your experiential body exploring the surroundings.

Embodied - If you’re in a calm space of exploration for a bit, the natural next step of your parasympathetic (stress-metabolizing) system is to return you to a place of embodiment, where you can start picking up on signals from your body again. Perhaps your stomach might tell you that you’re feeling hunger, or perhaps an emotion, like sadness, or a desire for connection. It is important to note that feeling information coming from the body can reveal any emotion, even anger or frustration. When this happens, it’s possible to leave calm again, as you assess if this is really a good time and place to be feeling the emotions that are coming up. Sometimes it’s better to set these embodied emotions to the side until you’re really in a good place to begin feeling and healing. Fortunately, the information that is stored in our body will be there when we’re ready.

Deep Peace - When we’re able to feel our calm, exploring, embodied self for a sufficient amount of time, a state of deep peace will naturally arise. This is a luxurious space of relaxed centeredness. It can happen in the presence of others who we feel deeply supported by, or in a natural space of self-care. 

Gnosis - As we relax further, surrendering any tension from our body and allowing good posture to hold us upright, we can begin to feel a deep present moment knowing of our unique path in life. It might only be glimpses of what we might want in the present moment, or what we want to achieve in the near future. We might even get a glimpse of something we want to achieve in our lifetime but without any instructions of how to get there. The magical aspect of this state is that we can subtly feel this knowledge sourced from inside of our self. In the Celtic traditions this intuitive knowing is referred to as gnosis. The sensations feel like subtle fields of energy, often depicted as toroidal fields, as seen in the following image:

Centeredness - We will refer to the deepest state of relaxation and surrender as full centeredness. This is an experience where we have optimal parasympathetic engagement and can often feel the emotions of others near us. This is similar to how mammals can deepen their relaxation by being near each other when the pack is relaxed. Or they can suddenly become stressed when one of the other mammals experiences stress. Out-of-body experiences can occur from this place as well, in addition to psychic phenomenon, deep knowing of other’s experiences, and feelings of oneness. 

We are able to experience such seemingly magical phenomenon because our whole brain is in a state of coherence when we engage our centeredness spectrum. In neurobiology terms, this inter-personal experience that arises from whole-brain coherence is often referred to as attunement. As we gain calmness, the front part of our brain is building a bridge inward, allowing our middle brain to stabilize and begin opening pathways to our rear/occipital regions, where the more holistic thinking can take place. 

This is also creating a connection between the left and right hemispheres of our brain. As we move from the front to the back of the right side of our brain, we can not only feel the stimulus happening in our head (oxygen/electricity/electromagnetic fields/etc.) but we can also feel our somatic experience growing more expansive and detailed as we move along the spectrum of centeredness.

            Keeping the centeredness spectrum in mind can greatly benefit our relationships by giving us an idea of not only where we are in the present moment, it also helps us understand where we might want to be, or where we could be. It gives us words to communicate with each other how we’re feeling. It also helps us discern that if we’re not feeling calm, we may be under-resourced and it might be a good idea to put our relationships to the side for the moment, in order to prioritize our own self-care.